Bros but not Hoes, like shit
by randylahey5446
Summary: It's just another typical day until when the boys discover something that they believe is ruining Terrence and Phillip...Edit: This is the first fic I ever wrote, prepare for cringe DX


Another bright, sunny day in the small town of South park. The summer is over half way over but the boys (Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny) did their best to live it up to the fullest before school started up again. They were all at Stan's house playing COD and minecraft, while the boys got into a heated conversation.

"Infection again?! Ahh goddamnit Kyle, I can't stand another minute of this bull crap," Cartman complained as they finished another round of infection.

"Come on, why can't we just play team deathmatch like normal people?"

"Oh shut up fatass, you know the only reason why you say that is because you suck at it," Kyle replied as Cartman just moaned and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah kinda like what your mom does on her 'second job'," Stan added as everyone laughed with him.

"What?" Cartman replied confused.

"Get it, she sucks," Kenny explained.

"Yea, like isn't she supposed to be like a post-er-tude or something?" Stan smirked.

"Huh? A poster..prostertude..popsitute...no wait.. .Oh prostitute! O hahahahaha, very funny, you see the joke is on you Stan, my Jew-loving friend. Because she actually the opposite of sucking-"

"So does she blow?!" Kenny interrupted as the whole room busted into laughter.

" _Shut up Kenny!_ Anyway, I guess you guys are just too immature for this, I pity you, you weak minded half wits, i guess this subject matter is just not suitable for you young children" Cartman proclaimed trying to get them to stop. There was a brief pause as Kyle fixed his posture and crossed his legs as if he was posing an interview.

"Alright Cartman, tell us about a time when she, _didn't suck_?" Kyle asked politely as he backs out of the lobby so he can focus on Cartman and vice versa.

"Well actually, there a lot of times when my mother didn't suck, thanks for asking Kahl!"

"Our pleasure," Kyle replied as Kenny and Stan filled the background with subtle laughs and giggles.

"Like there was this one time, my mom actually met this really rich dude who was really famous and stuff, and invited him over for dinner, and made over $500 in one night!"

"No way! How?!" Kyle asked enthusiastically as the laughs behind them continued to grow louder and louder.

"Weelll, I'm most certainly pleased you asked, she made that much money just by sucking his di- HEY!" Cartman exclaimed after he finally got the joke. Everyone else were engulfed with laughter as Cartman just blushed in anger.

"I hate you guys," Cartman said his a bit more tone and vigor in his voice.

"We love you too pal," Kyle replied.

"I'm not in the mood for this right now,"

"What do you mean you aren't in the mood right now, you always are in the mood for this," Kyle said as he noticed Cartman zoning off.

"Cartman, you alright?" Stan asked.

"Not really,"Cartman said bitterly.

"Well, what's wrong?" Kenny added on as Cartman closes his eyes briefly and takes in a deep breath to prepare what he's gonna say.

"Alright, sighs do you guys remember when you went to see the new Indiana Jones movie and saw Indiana getting raped by Aliens and crap?"

"Ohh, yeah?"

"Well...it's happening"

"What is?" Kenny anxiously asked as the other boys came in attentively to hear what he had to say.

"...Terrance and Phillip, it's happening,"

"George Lucas and Steven Speilberg are directing a Terrence and Phillip movie?" Stan asked.

"No, worse," Cartman corrected him as the boys all looked around each other and for a minute and tried to figure out what could be worse than George Lucas and Steven Speilberg directing a Terrence and Phillip movie...

"Michael Bay directing a Terrence and Phillip movie?" Kyle asked.

"Goddamnit, NO!"

"Come on dude, what is worse than Michael Bay directing a Terrence and Phillip Movie?" Stan asked as the whole room peered in closer to see what he had to say.

"Alright, you guys, it's called...Terrence and Phillip fanfiction!" Cartman exclaimed as everyone around him looked at him dazed and confused.

"Huh?!" the others said in unison confused. They didn't even think Cartman was even serious as he said that.

"Ohhh, fanfiction, I know where this is going," Kyle said as the voice of reason.

"You do?" Stan asked.

"Yea of course, my little brother Ike writes Terrence and Phillip fanfiction all the time and he's actually really good at it, it's no a big deal,"

"Kyle, you have no idea what your brother is doing, he's ruining Terrence and Phillip," Cartman warned.

"Yea I do, he's just writing what's on his mind that's all,"

"Have you read his stuff?!"

"Yea, it's not bad at all,"

"So you are saying that you are totally alright with Terrance and Phillip being gay?" Cartman asked with a mischievous tone in his voice as he raised his eyebrows at him with intensity.

"Huh...ohhhh, I mean Ike does occasionally does that umm, stuff but he says it's only for like attention," Kyle responds defensively to make it seem as though the subject is really not as bad as it is being made out to be.

"Or maybe because he's sexually confused?"

"Dude, he's 5 years old,"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

"Alright, so what is your point?"

"Screw it, just screw it," Kenny interrupted. All the boys looked at Kenny with some concern as he started to put on his orange hoodie and walked towards the door.

"Where you going Kenny," Stan asked concerned.

"Look I'm usually fine when you guys argue, and the shit you get into is actually pretty funny to watch, but fanfiction is actually _fucked_!,"

"Come on Kenny, don't be ridiculous," Said Kyle with a frustrated tone in his voice.

"No, _you_ don't be ridiculous, it's great that your brother is writing, but sooner or later, you are going to find things that just mess with your head and ruin the things you love" Kenny warned them.

"What do you mean dude?"

"I mean, that there was one time that I read one that Terrence was gay for Scott,"

"But dude, Scott's a dick" Stan replied.

"Ohh that's what Phillip said when he found out. Wanna know how Terrence replied.."

"umm how?"

"He replied 'yea, but i bet he's got a big one that sit on and fart on soo hard that-,"

"NO NO NO! OH MY GOD, PLEASE STOP," Stan shrieked as he covered his ears as if what he heard was the equivalent to the sound of someone scratching a chalkboard with long, pointy nails.

"You see, _that_ is what fanfiction is guys," Kenny said as the whole room shook thier head in agreement. Except for Kyle who just deeply rolls his eyes and tries to explain that not all fan fiction is not the same

"No that's only some of it, alright maybe a lot of it, but not all of it. That is just called Slash," Kyle corrected.

"Dude are you retarded?! Slash is that dude with the long ass hair that plays for Guns and Roses and Velvet Revolver, you silly Jew!"

"NOT THAT SLASH YOU FUCKING RETARD!"

"Okay! Calm your tits dude, I just joking, come on just try to have fun once in your life sheesh,"

"sighs deeply Slash is a genre of fanfiction when romantic pairings are made between two characters of the TV show, Movie, or whatever and are usually made out as homosexual," Kyle preached.

"So they are basically taking Terrence and Phillip, and they're literally raping it,"

"Well, in the story there is consent between the characters so no,"

"But not consent to Terrence and Phillip themselves," Cartman continued. At this point, Kyle is gaping his mouth in shock at how Cartman could say such a thing yet not even have a response. Stan looks over at him and reads his unpleasant expression and makes an effort to try and close this weird conversation.

"You know what screw this, can we just agree that fanfiction is gay and move on?" Stan pleaded as Kenny and Cartman nodded in agreement, except for Kyle as his expression only grows wider and more heightened than before. But Kyle knew that at this point, he isn't gonna get very far if he just kept arguing.

"Alright fine, fanfiction is gay and is ruining Terrence and Phillip now can we move on with our lives?" Kyle said submissively. Everyone responded with a unanimous"Yes" as they went on with their day and forgot about fanfiction for a while.

"Kyle I love when you say that you're wrong," Cartman said with a smirk.

"But I technically I never sa-"

" _Shhhhhushh!_ That's not the point,"

"But-"

"THE POINT IS, is that we could just kick back, relax, and play some good ol' team deathmatch,"

"Team deathmatch?"

"yeah, team deathmatch,"

"You mean, infection?"

"Team Deathmatch!"

"Infection!"

"Team Deathmatch!"

"INFECTION!"

"TEAM MOTHER FUCKING DEATH FUCKING MATCH MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN JEW UNCLE FUCKER!

"ALRIGHT ENOUGH! WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU TWO PUSSIES JUST SET ASIDE YOUR DIFFERENCES, AND PLAY SEARCH AND DESTROY LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE," Stan yelled angrily as he has had enough obnoxious bickering to deal with today.

"BECAUSE WHENEVER WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM, FUCKING CHUBBY WUBBY OVER HERE CHOOSES DEMOLITION CLASS AND USES THE RPG TO BLOW UP HALF OUR TEAM!"

"WELL IT'S THAT OR YOU'LL HAVE TO PLAY THE FUCKING WII U! But seriously Kyle, I only bought it for Mario Kart and Supper Smash Bros, like come on just play it with us for once," Stan said reasonably.

"Well I would, but no offence but given the gameplay and the tone of Nintendo games, don't you think we are a little too old for this," said Kyle.

"What do you mean dude?" asked Stan.

"I mean lets be real, most of this stuff appeals to little kids and most of us are in our double digits. So don't you think we should just stick to playing to more mature games like Call of Duty or Minecraft?"

"Basically you just had to be all non tolerant and go by false accusations of how lame the Wii is without never really giving it a chance. Or realizing that there are cool people out there who just like to take off some heat from their day by enjoying a little smash bros? There is a term for people like you out there Kyle, who are intolerant of other things other than their bullcrap opinions and prejudices, they are called _bigots_ " Cartman preached.

"You out of all people..."

"YOU'RE A BIGOT KYLE ADMIT IT!"

"Kyle, can you just _try_ it, come on it's not gonna kill you," Stan said to Kyle who replies with a slight "fine" to approve of this request. So it was at that point when things were nice and quiet for the boys and not one of them had a single thought about Terrence and Phillip fanfiction, until later on of course...


End file.
